


We're Swimming Through Ghosts

by allisonmartined



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-22
Updated: 2012-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-31 14:12:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allisonmartined/pseuds/allisonmartined
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern Reincarnation Au! Merlin and Morgana are married and Morgana starts having the dreams again which effects her mentally and physically.  Merlin feels forced to find an alternative way to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Swimming Through Ghosts

There's an itch in the back of his throat, like there's something trying to claw its way out.  And sometimes he thinks there is.

He twists the wedding band around his finger, the slide of it making him feel secure.  It's a lie, he thinks.  Security is a lie.

His forehead leans flush against the glass of the window and he thinks he can feel the coldness spread through him like a disease.  And he welcomes it.

She's a shadow, all empty eyes and shaky hands, until she's not.  

It's a cruel joke, he thinks.  He can't count how many futures he's seen of them, how many have fluttered across his eyes.  But he never once saw this one.

_Fate is a fickle bitch_ , she would laugh into his shoulder if she was herself.  He sighs the tears away.

*

They meet in London, in an art gallery, of all places.  She knows right away, all shining eyes and cautious grins, a _fancy meeting you here_.  It slots into place for him, all the vague memories finally sorting themselves out, like she was the anchor he always needed.

It's not easy, it was never going to be easy for them.  They fight about old things and new things, about past mistakes and failures that are lifetimes behind them.  But forgiveness is hard and neither of them were ever really good at it.  They're angry and bitter.  But, mostly just tired.  

The tides turn on them.  Love captures them in a deathly grip that threatens to never let go.  And it doesn't.

Sometimes he thinks they've always been life or death.

They get married.

And then the dreams come.  

They are terrifyingly quiet at first, all death and barren landscapes.  And then the screaming starts.

They go to doctors, but modern medicine is no match for the old religion.  Morgana laughs as she cries, and he can feel her shakes in his bones.   _It's ironic_ , she says, _modern medicine was always supposed to be the cure, wasn't it?_

_  
_

*

It's like a flip switches, and she's back.  She looks up to him from her chair and she smiles at him. _Hello_ , he says, a choked smile. _Hey yourself_ , she says, placing her head next his, cheek to cheek.  She whispers something in his ear, a barely there sound.   _I'm sorry_.

They're sitting at the kitchen table, her fingers are wrapped around a cup of tea and he's studying her eyes, the way her skin moves when she laughs.   _I love you_ , he says.  She sets the cup down and captures his fingers in her own. _I know_.  

They go to an art gallery, and talk about art they don't know.  She talks about symbolism and motive and he critiques brush strokes and lines.  Their arms are wrapped around each other and he always thinks of her like this.  Gorgeous and brilliant and _alive_.

*

Security is a lie.

In some sort of desperation, he calls Morgause.   _Little brother_ , she sneers at him and he clenches his teeth.

_It's Morgana_ , he says.  And that's all she needs to hear.

She paces in front of the shell of her sister.  

_Why didn't you tell me_ , she yells.  But it's like he can't hear her.  Everything is muffled without Morgana.

_She didn't want me to_ , he whispers into darkness.

*

It's not that Morgause is the solution.

 

In many ways, she is the problem.  In many ways, she is the poison is his blood.

But she loves Morgana in a way that only he can rival.  And he trusts that.  He trusts that more than he trusts himself.

*

_Was Morgause here?_ Morgana asks angrily as she blinks, color returning to her face.   _No_ , he says, the lie tickling on his tongue.

*

The dreams fade away into nothingness.  

*

The pale blonde ghost seems to float around him, ice traveling through his veins.  She sits on his bed and kicks at his feet.  But, something in him enjoys having her there.  There's something in him that smiles at the witch's ghost.   _Sh, sh, sh, sh, Little Emrys_ , she sneers in his ear, _some lies are meant to be told._

_  
_

*  

He kisses Morgana, dragging her to bed, laughing.

He thinks he sees Morgause smile.

**Author's Note:**

> oh, hello, incest undertones. that's a new one for me.


End file.
